“I’m Glad My Mom Died”
by Jennette McCurdy
Copyright © 2022 by Jennette McCurdy
Simon & Schuster
This is the first time I’ve “read” an audiobook. And this is the first time I’ve read “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jennette McCurdy.
I’m familiar with Jennette McCurdy because I’ve seen her on “iCarly” and “Sam and Cat” on Nickelodeon years ago when we still had our cable TV subscription. True, she was a beloved character on both shows.
The title itself stirred controversy. This memoir is about Jenette’s career as a child actress, her complex relationship with her mother, Debra, who died of cancer in 2013, and her path to recovery and healing.
Since this was published a few years ago, I can “assume” that most readers may be familiar with the book. But for those who haven’t read this, SPOILERS ahead!
The book is written (and since this is an audiobook, narrated) from a first-person point of view. And since it’s McCurdy’s voice, I was hooked listening.
McCurdy divides her memoir into two: before and after her mother’s death.
The “before” section tells about her family life, her struggles in auditioning for roles as a child actress, and her rise to fame with Nickelodeon, putting her mother as her central figure.
The book starts with her recollection when her mother was in the ICU. Her siblings talked to their mother but she didn’t move nor wake up. Thinking that she could wake her mother up, Jennette said something good news: she lost weight and reached her ideal weight. This scene foreshadows the dynamics between mother and daughter and her mental health.
She was only two years old when her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She tells about how Debra would require Jennette and her three other siblings to repeatedly watch a video in which Debra revealed her cancer diagnosis. Because of this, whenever Jennette celebrates her birthday, she always wishes to extend her mother’s life for another year.
It was on her 6th birthday that she received a dress but didn’t really like it. However, to please her mother, she smiled and said she liked it. Pleasing her mother because she loves her made her justify that it was her job to keep her mother calm (Debra had violent streaks sometimes).
Jennette never wanted to be an actor. She wanted to be a writer. But her mother wanted her to act. The book reveals that when Debra was young, her mother didn’t allow her to act. So there was this idea of parents forcing their own dreams to their children. Personally, I could relate to this.
As she recounts her numerous auditions and bit parts in some TV shows or films, it’s funny that her “pitch” on her actor resume is “can cry on cue”. Although she can take directions on the set well, as other directors and managers would say, her ability to cry on cue shows how she covers up her real life — toxic, chaotic, and dysfunctional. And it’s unfortunate that she didn’t recognize it as such because she’d been used to that.
“Accepting that she was abusive would mean figuring out who I was and what I wanted. That was something I wasn’t ready to face.”
—– Jenette McCurdy, American writer and former actress
It is also disturbing to me to learn that Debra would dress and shower Jennette until she was around 16 or 17 years old. She also homeschooled her daughter and planned their family life around Jennette’s acting schedule. Debra was also a hoarder, that Jennette and her siblings had to sleep on the floor because there was no more space to sleep on.
Jennette also recounts her experiences on Nickelodeon where she rose to fame as Sam in “iCarly” with Miranda Cosgrove and “Sam and Cat” with Ariana Grande. She describes her friendship with Miranda and her jealousy of Ariana.
Jennette also has a brief singing career and the book reveals that she had to turn down movies or singing tours due to the show “Sam and Cat”. But when Ariana took a day (or even a week) off taping due to Ariana’s singing career, Jennette had to be content acting with a box (the episode where Ariana’s character, Cat, was trapped in a box). To make matters worse, Jennette found out that Ariana was invited to play charades at Tom Hank’s party. Teenagers can get jealous easily.
She also mentions the situation inside Nickelodeon about “The Creator” whom Jennette didn’t name. Plus the $300,000.00 money Nickelodeon offered her as a “gift” with a catch: not to mention anything about (the bad side of) Nickelodeon. She didn’t accept the money and here we have this book that exposes it.
Over the course of the memoir, Jennette shows her yearning for freedom followed by guilt. She always has to consider her mother’s reaction. This was evident when she recounts her relationships with boys including her escapades.
The “after” section tells about McCurdy’s downward spiral into her eating disorders (anorexia which became bulimia) and her road to recovery.
When the first therapist pointed out that her mother was abusive, Jennette couldn’t accept it. She loves her mother, misses her, and justifies that her mother’s behavior was a sign of love and protection.
Her relationships, too, showed the effect of her mother’s control over her. Jennette became codependent with a man who turned out to be a schizophrenic (although thanks to this man, Jennette seeked professional help).
And what blows my mind is Jennette’s father’s revelation: he’s not their biological father.
This book summarizes the glamour and the horror of the entertainment industry, particularly the child actor system. It shows how “The Stage Mother” works. There was innocence and at the same time, sarcasm in Jennette’s voice. Unfortunately, the late Debra McCurdy was narcissistic and abusive and Jennette was too late to realize and accept that fact.
I couldn’t believe that I finished the audiobook in one sitting. As I’ve said, I was hooked with how McCurdy narrated it.
Overall, I’m going to give this book 5 out of 5 stars. And yes, I would agree, I’m glad her mother died.
Isang Manunulat 